Three years ago I was an anxious, less confident and shy person who could have never dreamed to be where I am now. I never thought I would go to university let alone get five offers and two unconditionals. Of course, everyone works hard to get to university but for me it’s been much more. It’s been a struggle of happiness, self-belief, passion and drive.
Ever since day one at school, It has been a struggle. I found it hard to make friends and I was often pushed out of groups, bullied and rejected. At the time I always thought something was wrong with me and maybe I was the reason for other girls nastiness and immature comments and actions. I now realize they were jealous, insecure and nasty girls whom would never change. Some girls had horrible lives and took it out on me which I feel sorry for but that is never a reason to be horrible to someone. Your own issue is YOUR OWN and no friend should ever push their issues onto you in a nasty way.
Where I went to school and some of the issues I faced was disgraceful. I have come out of my horrible school situation stronger and better for it but some people who had been through what I had may not have been as lucky. I had student and teachers publically shaming me, picking on me and bullying me.
I was not a naughty student nor am I a horrible person. I work hard, I do as I’m told… most of the time (Sorry mum and dad) and I always do the right thing, I don’t lie, cheat, judge or make nasty comments. It’s just not in my nature to do so and any of my friends will agree with this statement.
I would get detentions and told off for the most ludicrous stuff. The most insane reason was that my school skirt was too short and I had the longest skirt that the school shop did. I had to go to the shop and get a note saying this for my form tutor. It didn’t stop her from accusing me of rolling it up and telling me off daily. I was not the only girl in school who’s skirt was long enough due to being too tall. I understand if my skirt was very short but it was only a little above my knee and in a workplace, it would have been an acceptable length. There were teachers with shorter skirts than students.
The school was excuse my language a SHIT SHOW. It was such a toxic and damaging place to me. I didn’t want to be alive, I felt unmotivated, unconfident, ugly, damaged and unhappy. My few friends were as supportive as they could be, my parents tried to help and support me but agree they should’ve stood up for me more and argued with the school but they decided no one would believe them over a teacher. Teachers offered no support or understanding. I was told I would fail all my exams and never attend university. Well, look at me now!
As soon as I left school I had an urge to prove the bullies and teachers wrong. I wanted to succeed not only for myself but also to prove them wrong. My head teacher said I would never go to university and that it wasn’t for me. They also said that I would never achieve a good and successful job. I am smart and passionate and hard working but when you’re so unhappy, unsupported and with a lack of belief from teachers it’s hard to succeed. I went to college and worked my hardest on every single assignment. Well three years later and I received five university offers and two unconditionals after a glowing reference and support from my college tutor!
Look at me now…
I’ve been at university studying Digital Marketing for two years now. I’ve worked alongside some amazing, passionate and keen lecturers. I’ve made some friends and memories for life and well honestly I NEVER want to leave. Lecturers want to see me succeed and have all of their faith in my success.
I am so so so proud of how far that I’ve come. I’ve survived, fought my anxieties, lack of love for myself, lack of confidence and lack of belief in myself. I CAN and WILL succeed and do what I want to do. When I stand up on that stage and collect my degree it will be more than a degree. It’s the success of staying alive, loving myself, working hard, making my parents, family, and friends proud.
“My family still to this day say that they’ve noticed how much happier I am and how proud they are of where I am at now”
I am so excited for the next chapter of my life. In January I collect my degree and then a week later I start an internship with one of my favorite brands and companies and one that Is also close to my heart for personal reasons. Everything is finally clicking into place and I finally want to stay alive, succeed and love.
I haven’t had an easy life up until now but finally, the up is in sight and I’m so excited to see what the next chapter of my book brings. As one of my favorite bands, Neck Deep say – “Life’s not out to get you”
Music has been the one thing that honestly got me through all of my anxieties and struggles. I’ve made some of my best friends at gigs, released my anger, worries, hates, and passions. While She Sleeps, Bury Tomorrow, Architects, Dream State, Real Friends, State Champs and so many bands I’ve been lucky enough to meet and know – THANK YOU!
For me the lyrics are relatable, the bands are lovely people and the friends I’ve made are true, relatable and understanding. As CJ from Dream State (a huge idol of mine) says;
“It’s quite easy to get trapped up in your head and have no positive outlet for your emotions. I’ll tell you what is a good outlet for your emotions and that’s coming to a gig and singing your heart out and not letting the bad thoughts win. Listen to the positive voices and tell yourself YOU GOT THIS. Channel the positivity. It will change your life”
So I dedicate this blog post to all the people who tried their best to pull me down and to the next chapter of my life. Never let bullies, nasty people, the school system, negative thoughts and beliefs win. Keep fighting and working for your dreams because you CAN and WILL do it if you believe in yourself. Look at me and where I am now…
I am finally free and happy. Now it’s time to enjoy life – I want to travel, inspire, motivate, help and love.
I can’t wait to start working, traveling, creating and loving life.